


The Truth

by Lucigoosey_The_Lightbringer



Series: Renegades (Steven Universe: Homeworld AU) [16]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, I Am My Mom Gone Wrong, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Past Brainwashing, Past Character Death, Past Memory Loss, Past Torture, Renegades Steven Universe AU, Secrets, Steven Universe Has PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:49:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28520406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucigoosey_The_Lightbringer/pseuds/Lucigoosey_The_Lightbringer
Summary: The fear that seizes him is uncontrollable as he recalls how many times he had begged the gems to just talk to him, to just tell him the truth. Now he stands before him, seeking answers, and he's faced with the horrible terror that comes with knowing he might not get them at all.| Post-IARQ (I Am Rose Quartz.)
Relationships: Amethyst & Steven Universe, Bismuth & Steven Universe, Garnet & Steven Universe, Pearl & Steven Universe, Steven Universe & Berry, Steven Universe & Candy
Series: Renegades (Steven Universe: Homeworld AU) [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1918204
Comments: 12
Kudos: 36





	The Truth

When they tell the others, everyone freezes in shock for a few seconds.

And then it happens, Steven sees. Pearl's mouth opens, and her hands fly up to cover it at once, muffling whatever words she was about to say. Neither Amethyst nor Garnet look bothered or confused by such a reaction, but Berry's head swivels in Pearl's direction in an instant, and Steven can't keep his eyes off the pale gem. His heart is pounding so hard he can feel it in his ears, can feel his wrists twitching with his pulse as he digs his nails into his palms. A sick feeling rolls through his gut, stomach and jaw clenching as he swallows and fights it back. "Mom?" His voice is a whisper as he singles her out, hardly able to raise it beyond anything but that. She simply stares back at him, hands folded neatly over her mouth. "What do you know?"

The fear that seizes him is uncontrollable as he recalls how many times he had begged the gems to just talk to him, to just tell him the truth. Now he stands before him, seeking answers, and he's faced with the horrible terror that comes with knowing he might not get them at all.

But Pearl - Pearl _tries._ She rips her hands from her mouth, looking as if she's genuinely struggling to keep them down, and insists, "Rose didn't-" And then her hands are back, clasping over her mouth again, resuming their position and effectively silencing her. And Steven stares at her, wide-eyed as he struggles to piece this together, struggles to understand what this means. His chest twists in a sickening motion, legs suddenly feeling far too weak to hold himself up.

"Rose didn't _what?"_ Bismuth demands. Steven nearly drowns them all out without his own permission, the world falling blank as every sound seems to deafen, ringing filling his ears…

 _("So how did a Rose Quartz, with no business being anywhere near Pink Diamond, get so close in the first place? Where were Pink Diamond's attendants? Her Agates, her Sapphires? And where was her_ _**Pearl** _ _?" The words spoken so accusingly, so pointedly, it doesn't make_ _**sense-** _

" _No, whoever did this was already close to Pink Diamond.")_

"Pearl," Bismuth's voice cuts through the ringing, if only briefly. "Pearl, Rose didn't what?"

Amethyst is the one who speaks, quiet and hushed. "She can't say it, Bismuth."

"Why not?!"

He remembers something, something he'd paid no mind to before. Words he'd been too distracted to really hear, a clue he hadn't seen, a piece of the puzzle that hadn't clicked.

 _("Back then it was just_ _**Rose Quartz and Pink Diamond's former Pearl** _ _.")_

"Rose didn't shatter Pink Diamond-" Pearl blurts out, too fast for Steven to catch at first. He blinks, shakes his head in a half-hearted attempt to clear it, and snaps his gaze back to the pale gem. He's frozen for a moment, realizing what she'd just said, and then- "-with the- the sword."

He stares at her, watching her fingers crease as her hands press harder over her mouth.

That feeling doesn't fade.

Bismuth, at first, simply stares at Pearl as well; when Steven finally manages to tear his gaze away from her, to check first on Bismuth and then the others, the blank expression written across the rainbow-haired gem's face startles him enough to freeze him for a good few seconds. "Well, obviously… she couldn't have…" She pauses and frowns, eyebrows furrowing. Steven doesn't say anything - doesn't know _what_ to say - simply sweeps his gaze back toward the others. Berry has an odd look on her face now, a quizzical gaze set on Pearl that looks out of place on the Ruby. She glances up at him when his gaze turns to her, but she barely meets his eyes for more than a second before she leans back, looking away, and crosses her arms.

"Blue Diamond must have been mistaken then," she finally says. "She's not the brightest…" And Steven knows that, logically, he knows that's the only thing that makes sense - but he can't shake that damn _feeling_. "It doesn't matter how it was done," Berry continues begrudgingly.

"Exactly," Pearl breathes, but her expression is strained, something akin to sorrow flickering through her eyes, expression shadowed in desperation. Steven looks back at her, remembers every time she'd tried to weasel herself out of giving him information - like with the palanquin - remembers all her tells, how _easy_ it is to know when she's lying to him. It's there now, it's _all_ there, and yet there's something missing. A piece of the puzzle that he just can't find yet.

(A piece, he realizes, he doesn't know how to _begin_ looking for.)

Almost unconsciously, he settles a hand over his stomach, holding his gem. He can feel it humming under his fingers, warm and buzzing with life, and light, and energy. It's _too_ warm. The house is too hot, the air is too stifled, and Steven… he can't think. His ever-racing mind had screeched to a dead stop, and he doesn't know how to kick it into gear again. He doesn't even know if he wants to. He does know, however, that he's tired, confused, and… oddly drained. And he needs a minute (maybe a few minutes, maybe an _hour)_ to get himself together again.

The past few days had been far too stressful.

He excuses himself, escapes outside. Dusk is falling, the sky awash with the array of colors that only _Earth_ could ever seem to pull off, but he can't bring himself to admire the beauty. He looks up and all he can think of is Homeworld, the pretty sky and colors he can't get out of his mind. Right now, more than ever he finds himself missing it and all its simplicity.

He sinks against the rail, head in his hands, and breathes. Tries not to wonder too hard why life seemed to be a little easier when he was 'Rose Quartz Facet-1 Cut-8BR', and why everything had fallen into chaos the moment he realized he wasn't, that he was just 'Steven Universe'.

It's a bitter feeling, one he hopes knows won't linger too long, but for now, it does.

He hears the door creak open, and almost regrets not retreating down to the beach completely, but the sound of Candy's voice halts those thoughts in their tracks immediately. "You okay?"

"No," he murmurs without turning, eyes on the sky. She makes her way forward beside him, arms crossing over the rail as she sinks her weight against it and stares at him. He turns his gaze to her for a second, only briefly making eye contact before he looks away again and shrugs, sighing. "Yeah, I guess. I will be, right?" He rolls his shoulders back and lifts his head, stretching his arms out over the rail and staring at the sky. His thoughts turn in a different direction, then; he wonders if Agate, Sage and Tangerine were close to Homeworld yet, if they'd already arrived. The ride to Earth hadn't been a long one by any means, though that might have been because Berry was the one steering the ship. Regardless… he hopes that _they're_ okay.

"You miss 'em?" Candy asks knowingly, and he nods faintly in response. "Me too."

Steven sighs, and cracks a smile, shaking his head. "You know, it's _them._ I don't know why I'm so worried," he admits, lifting a hand to run his fingers through his hair and closing his eyes for a moment. Candy laughs at that, and he hears her shift beside him as she moves a little closer.

"Ah, but therein lies such a reason to be worried, you see - it _is_ them."

He snickers at that, despite himself. "Oh, you got me there."

"Don't stress yourself too much," Candy advises as he opens his eyes again, looking back over at her. "You just have to have a little faith sometimes. Trust me, I didn't exactly like letting Sage go without me, but…" Her gaze lifts toward the sky for a moment, and he understands that, too. Orders were orders. He'd have gone with Agate gladly at any request, any question, any order. Hell, that might have given him an excuse for wanting to go in the first place. In a lot of ways, he's glad that it didn't come to that. "I think they know what they're doing. They're not stupid."

Steven hums softly in agreement at that, ducking his head back to his arms and looking ahead. Knowing them, he can't agree nor disagree. He does, however, chuckle out a quiet, "I hope so."

He looks at the sky, the colors above, the stars coming into view.

"I hope so," he repeats quietly, rolling his shoulders back.

That lingering feeling doesn't fade.


End file.
